If seniors were saying 'yes' to leave the family fold, meet the wishes of the family or society, or allow sexuality, what pushes couples to marry now? Love!
"This is the greatest gift that John made me! says Sandrine, 28 years. The day he told me: "I want to marry you", it was worth all the declarations of love ... "
Recognition of the couple
But we do not expect to marry for love: Paule, 37, and Jean-Marc, 43, have lived together for twelve years, and it was only in June that they will become husband and wife . "It is the passage of the Cape of 35 who made me think, justified Paule. Call "Mademoiselle" was becoming embarrassing! "For the sociologist François de Singly," interpersonal recognition of the union is now done upstream in concubinage. And it is his public dimension that the couple will look in the marriage. " At a time when infidelity is commonplace, where many couples separate or divorce, others claim again their wish to initiate their love "for better or for worse" and for all to see. The ceremony is not she the opportunity to witness the entourage and society itself?
Another reason often invoked to justify the announcement of a marriage: the desire to start a family. "Although 55% of first births occur outside marriage [...], resiliency is still playing very strongly" and write Wattier and Olivier Pascale Picard. "With some, it triggers a sense unconscious as that wave of" obligation "," they add; in others, like Patrick, 31, "is when we started talking about our desire to children we knew it was time to get married."
"We, people marry to become the exceptional torque, bet Angela, 27 years Martin, 28 years. One that lasts for life! "Against all odds, young couples appear to consider their union with an unalterable idealism, projecting it over time. Naivety due to too new relationship? Not that easy ! According to Jacques-Antoine Malarewicz, psychoanalyst, "young people are well aware that today the couple is fragile, and marriage becomes a way to consolidate it." The continual growth in the number of divorces does not seem to be a dream to brake "love always" contemporary couples. On the contrary, says the analyst, "paradoxically, it is because they know more than ever threatened by this phenomenon they want to secure their own couples in marriage."
The vogue of the "I" gives way to "we", in reassuring and cozy cocoon.
Rites of passage
Before getting two, we expose ostentatiously: once lovers marriage expeditious manner Las Vegas, Madonna, Brad Pitt and other "people" launched the fashion of the ceremony "in style". "The white dress, organ, this corresponds to a dream girl says Alexandra, 28. I'll be the princess saying "yes" to her prince charming! "" A good marriage is at church adds Vickie, 24. It must be beautiful, moving. "Only problem:" It will take me to get baptized, and that, I spend much ... "But Nicolas, 31, her future husband, was able to convince her:" Civil marriage is too easy , too fast. I must feel that I move on. "
This "transition to something else" is especially significant in the religious marriage that "it is put in the public arena that the father gives his daughter to another man," says the analyst Samuel Lepastier. Advancing to the altar to his father's arms, in the case of the woman, her mother, in that of man, each spouse "takes the world and witness the symbolic break with his pit parent. " Or how to view the outcome of the Oedipus complex, the time of a wedding march ... "I expect a funeral in my life memorable boy smiled Samuel, 26 years. Not just to party, but because it's tradition. »Tradition that girls have recently decided to appropriate, under the influence of a fashion launched in the UK. Driven by a group of friends during a drunken night on the stage of a karaoke bar or among Chippendales, brides begin to turn the jealousy of their cohabitants to the test, one week before the day J.
"The transition from one status to another, from one generation to another, these once well marked stages of life are no longer" explains Jacques-Antoine Malarewicz. Bad marks, young people choose to reclaim traditions through these hazing and those solemn ceremonies or invent their rituals."Yes", but with conditions
Whether we be no mistake: the wedding does not mark a resurgence back to the beginning of the twentieth century. "In the past, marriage was a necessity and a lifetime obligation; today, it is an institution which is chosen among other life patterns - PACS, cohabitation - and especially that we can get out, "says François de Singly. According to the sociologist, is this freedom that marriage takes its current success. It unites because it chooses, without any social constraint, family or cultural. "Yes" we say to life, but knowing that marriage is no longer a "life sentence" and that in the worst case, we can get out.
"Marriage has become a symbolic commitment, says Robert Neuburger, a psychiatrist and therapist who specializes in couples and family. Specifically, it no longer committed to much. "The proof Alexandra keep her last name; after their wedding in June, Paul and Marie-Cécile, 25, will keep their apartments ... And as most households, they opted for the phrase "a joint account, two separate accounts." We want to be together but remain free. Combine security and freedom, such is the paradoxical requirement newlyweds today.
... And if it again?
They said "yes" one day, under the influence of passion and emotion. But some years later, how much would be willing to repeat with the same enthusiasm? To prove their love resists marital life, more and more couples choose to renew their vows. In 2000, five years after their wedding, Céline Dion and René Angélil called into stage commitment in a religious ceremony as flamboyant as the first.
According to historian Sabine Melchior-Bonnet, co-author with Catherine Salles, marriage of history: between reason and fortune, instead of love (ETTW), there is no canonical or institutional traces of such use which is "probably a shift in the celebration of wedding anniversaries - custom which itself dates back to the nineteenth century." Now it is no longer necessary to separate several times to taste the wedding ...
"Young couples are looking for new rituals"
Not easy to construct a ceremony both very personal and meaningful. Our wedding in Florence Servan-Schreiber offers ideas brewed to marry otherwise. Interview.
Japanese marry with sake as a mass wine, overlap saffron feet to the Hindu way, opt for the ceremony feng shui, the release of doves or henna tattoo ... With Our marriage (Albin Michel) Florence Servan-Schreiber provides a round-up of worldwide traditions, rituals and tips of all kinds. To organize the big day "marriage-like you."
Psychologies: How did you get the idea for this book?
Florence Servan-Schreiber: It is simply born of my own desire to marry but to marry otherwise. A classic religious marriage leaves no room for dialogue. Everything we say is "yes", yes to things already said, already written. As long as you get married, much to really talk and choose what we want to share. The couple chooses various symbols, religious rites and cultural your style, but it can also add their own rituals he has invented based on its sensitivity, tastes ... A wedding ceremony is successful if it goes beyond what we could have imagined. This is not a play where everything is predictable and controlled.
Whether seeking the pioneers of these new rites?
of course. Many brides and grooms around me have encountered the same problem: "We get married, but what do we do? "There is today among young couples a real need for rituals, but their civil marriage appears too weak symbols, and many do not really have any religious affiliation. It is therefore important for them to build a ceremony both very personal and meaningful, according to their vision, their personal development. This book is anything but a book about the decor and choice of ravioli! It is a journey to the heart of the desire to engage, a modern mixed vision of this ceremony. The book provides a wealth of ideas in which we can draw to mix genres, traditions, cravings ...
Do you think these ceremonies differently bind the couple?
This is a great opportunity to get closer, to communicate, a very romantic and loving process in which everyone is forced to invest background, an opportunity to question together on the values attributed to marriage. For those who got married this way - starting with myself! - This has been an unforgettable and exciting experience for the environment, but also and especially for the couple. This ceremony is a reflection of how we communicate later. This is really worth!
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